im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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