Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
