When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
