she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Text me some of your sweat
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
