ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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