I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
