i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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