Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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