hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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