He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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