According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
