k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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