Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
