Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
