what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Houston, we have a squirter
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
