my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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