we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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