Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
