I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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