my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
