peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
