You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
