i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
