i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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