I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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