I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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