We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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