Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
