It's just like the Real World with babies
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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