We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
