He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
