barbara walters just said penis...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
