I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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