All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
