Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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