I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
