So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
