Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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