i think i have herpe
just one?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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