The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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