I accidentally had phone sex last night
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
