I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The best revenge is premature balding
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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