I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
