there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
