We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
