Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
