And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Sponge bath it is.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
