Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
