I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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