youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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