I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
