Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dicks are not precious.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
