i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
